Sharknado 2: Shark Week Special


The Hangover 2 of Syfy movies.


Spoilers

So another Sharknado is after you and your family because you managed to destroy the first Sharknado by dropping bombs into it, on the other side of the country.

Don’t panic. It’s okay. I’m here to give you some very simple steps to surviving a Sharknado, that I stole from Tara Reid’s book.

sharkbook
The most unrealistic thing in the movie is that Tara Reid wrote a book

Tip 1. Cut it up into small pieces

2. Put the parts in multiple trash bags

3. Dispose of trash bags in various bodies of water far away from your home

4. Lay low for two weeks and…

Sorry was reading from my journal, uh…so about those Sharknado tips, yeah! Just ignore all that other stuff and hang up on the police now, it’s cool, we’re cool, right homie?

cattt
You da real OG

How to Survive a Sharknado:

1. Don’t be scared, Sharknadoes can smell fear

2. Team up with a black person, as they will be more likely to die than you

3. If you’re black, be Biz Markie, otherwise you will probably die

biz markie
“BUT YOU SAID HE WAS JUST A FRIEND!!!”

4. Get an umbrella, and not those cheap ass $5 ones

5. Acquire a lot of weapons

6. Hit, stab, and shoot the Sharknado

7. Throw bombs into the Sharknado, because science

science
Science bitch

8. DON’T QUESTION THE BOOK

9. You should have defeated the Sharknado, if not, repeat all steps until you are a high enough level


Sharknado 2 is just like the first Sharknado except this one is in New York, and it has a bunch of cameos of people blackmailed to be in this movie.

The movie starts with the main characters from the last movie, Ginger guy and Tara Reid, on a plane to New York that gets attacked by a Sharknado. So the movie changes into Sharks on a Plane.

snakesonaplane1
“I’m tired of all these **** animals on these **** planes.”

So the pilots get their faces eaten by sharks, the sharks blow up an engine, and a shark eats Tara Reid’s hand cause she was shooting the Sharknado with a pistol. Then Ginger Guy, or how the movie likes to call him, “Fin” tries to land the plane as it’s crashing with no prior flying training.

Smart me was like, “This has to be a dream sequence, it’s too stupid.” But seconds later, I heard a faint voice in the distance. The voice whispered, “There is no stupid, only Sharknado.”

I thought that was weird but decided to continue watching Sharknado 2 anyways…turns out it was not a dream sequence.

Afterwards we meet Fin’s family in New York and I immediately hoped they’d all get eaten, but they don’t, because SYFY is a cruel mistress that keeps telling you to take out the trash when she hasn’t even done the dishes yet.

syfy
Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves, Syfy

I honestly thought the mother and daughter were a lesbian couple at first, but then again they could still be…

The family then goes to a Mets game because they secretly hate each other, and Fin meets up with them to warn them about the incoming Sharknado. 

sharknado-2-the-second-one-8817d254190491d4
Are the Mets losing or is it a Sharknado? We may never know.

The black chick apparently was a previous lover of Fin, and they talked about their past relationship with such seriousness I got annoyed. Are you really trying to make me feel an emotional connection with these characters Sharknado 2, really?

therapist-hollywoodjournal
“And that’s when I told him I loved him…” Why aren’t you being eaten by a shark right now?

So the Sharknado saves us from the Mets game, and some guy hits a shark out of the ballpark with a bat to fulfill his last wish of hitting a home run for his dead dad…yeah i don’t know either.

The movie moves to a subway where Jared, the Subway guy famous for not being fat, is eating a Subway sandwich.

subwayguy
The writers brought their A game today

Then it becomes Sharks on a Subway and some guy get his ass bitten off, but honestly I was bored the first whole hour of this movie. It plays out like the first one so it’s not as interesting, funny, or dumb enough to keep me entertained. If you saw the first one, then skip until the last 30 minutes to get all the hot Sharknado action you’ve been waiting for.

That’s when:

  • Biz Markie stabs a shark and puts it in a pizza oven
  • They come up with a plan that makes no sense and is hard to follow
    • Said plan seems to be “Go on the top of building and throw shade at the Sharknado”
sharknado-2
Yo mama so fat
  • A bunch of New Yorkers start attacking flying sharks
  • Sharks catch fire and fall on top of people
sharknado black guy
This shark is on FIIIIRRRREEEEE
  • Sugar Ray yells at sharks to distract them
sugar-ray
All around the world sharks try and nibble at me
  • Tara Reid get a saw hand
sharknado-2-second-one-30-600x336
Actually a still from 50 Shades of Grey
  • CHAINSAWS
sharknado-2-trailer
( •_•)>⌐■-■ Guess he didn’t… (⌐■_■) Chain-see that comin 

  • Explosions
  • A dude riding a shark in a tornado
  • NEWS
sharrrkkksss
50% chance of a Shark Rainbow tonight
  • Al Roker talking about Sharknadoes
  • CREDITS!
crowd-cheering-video
Shark Handler YOU ROCK!

That’s the rundown, some other stuff happened but due to large amounts of alcohol consumed during the movie, a lot of it’s still fuzzy.

Oh, they blow up a tower as two Sharknadoes converge to destroy the Supernado.

You know, in case you were wondering.

sharknado4
“I’ll have to call you back, this guy thinks we care. GET HIM!”

 

Overall Score: 2/5 Sharknadoes

So you may be wondering, is this better than Sharktopus or Shark Attack 3?

HEEELLLL NOOOO. Those are classic terrible-awesome movies. Watch them if you’re bored, which you are, which is also why you’re reading this.


GOOD MOVIES:

I’ve decided to try and educate y’all on some good movies out in theaters right now, to help you stay cool and hip with the kids.

oldppl
This could be you

Guardians of the Galaxy: 

So good you’ll tell your friends how good it is and annoy them until they see it with you and then they’ll annoy their friends and so on.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/10 MIXTAPES

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:

Don’t even know if this is still out but this movie is awesome. Emotional, action packed, and a good message make this a MUST SEE, or I’ll shank you.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/10 STARS


If you enjoyed, this review then tell your friends! Share on Facebook, leave a comment below, or mention it in a casual conversation to a loved one.

If you didn’t like it, shut your mouth… Or give me constructive criticism or suggestions!


 

In case you don’t know who Biz Markie is, he wrote one of the greatest songs of our generation. Enjoy!

 

One thought on “Sharknado 2: Shark Week Special

  1. I haven’t seen the first or second sharknado, but this review was still incredibly funny and informative. Yet, I still like the fifty shades of grey one most of all.

    Like

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