The Hangover 2 of Syfy movies.
So another Sharknado is after you and your family because you managed to destroy the first Sharknado by dropping bombs into it, on the other side of the country.
Don’t panic. It’s okay. I’m here to give you some very simple steps to surviving a Sharknado, that I stole from Tara Reid’s book.
Tip 1. Cut it up into small pieces
2. Put the parts in multiple trash bags
3. Dispose of trash bags in various bodies of water far away from your home
4. Lay low for two weeks and…
Sorry was reading from my journal, uh…so about those Sharknado tips, yeah! Just ignore all that other stuff and hang up on the police now, it’s cool, we’re cool, right homie?
How to Survive a Sharknado:
1. Don’t be scared, Sharknadoes can smell fear
2. Team up with a black person, as they will be more likely to die than you
3. If you’re black, be Biz Markie, otherwise you will probably die
4. Get an umbrella, and not those cheap ass $5 ones
5. Acquire a lot of weapons
6. Hit, stab, and shoot the Sharknado
7. Throw bombs into the Sharknado, because science
8. DON’T QUESTION THE BOOK
9. You should have defeated the Sharknado, if not, repeat all steps until you are a high enough level
Sharknado 2 is just like the first Sharknado except this one is in New York, and it has a bunch of cameos of people blackmailed to be in this movie.
The movie starts with the main characters from the last movie, Ginger guy and Tara Reid, on a plane to New York that gets attacked by a Sharknado. So the movie changes into Sharks on a Plane.
So the pilots get their faces eaten by sharks, the sharks blow up an engine, and a shark eats Tara Reid’s hand cause she was shooting the Sharknado with a pistol. Then Ginger Guy, or how the movie likes to call him, “Fin” tries to land the plane as it’s crashing with no prior flying training.
Smart me was like, “This has to be a dream sequence, it’s too stupid.” But seconds later, I heard a faint voice in the distance. The voice whispered, “There is no stupid, only Sharknado.”
I thought that was weird but decided to continue watching Sharknado 2 anyways…turns out it was not a dream sequence.
Afterwards we meet Fin’s family in New York and I immediately hoped they’d all get eaten, but they don’t, because SYFY is a cruel mistress that keeps telling you to take out the trash when she hasn’t even done the dishes yet.
I honestly thought the mother and daughter were a lesbian couple at first, but then again they could still be…
The family then goes to a Mets game because they secretly hate each other, and Fin meets up with them to warn them about the incoming Sharknado.
The black chick apparently was a previous lover of Fin, and they talked about their past relationship with such seriousness I got annoyed. Are you really trying to make me feel an emotional connection with these characters Sharknado 2, really?
So the Sharknado saves us from the Mets game, and some guy hits a shark out of the ballpark with a bat to fulfill his last wish of hitting a home run for his dead dad…yeah i don’t know either.
The movie moves to a subway where Jared, the Subway guy famous for not being fat, is eating a Subway sandwich.
Then it becomes Sharks on a Subway and some guy get his ass bitten off, but honestly I was bored the first whole hour of this movie. It plays out like the first one so it’s not as interesting, funny, or dumb enough to keep me entertained. If you saw the first one, then skip until the last 30 minutes to get all the hot Sharknado action you’ve been waiting for.
- Biz Markie stabs a shark and puts it in a pizza oven
- They come up with a plan that makes no sense and is hard to follow
- Said plan seems to be “Go on the top of building and throw shade at the Sharknado”
- A bunch of New Yorkers start attacking flying sharks
- Sharks catch fire and fall on top of people
- Sugar Ray yells at sharks to distract them
- Tara Reid get a saw hand
- A dude riding a shark in a tornado
- Al Roker talking about Sharknadoes
That’s the rundown, some other stuff happened but due to large amounts of alcohol consumed during the movie, a lot of it’s still fuzzy.
Oh, they blow up a tower as two Sharknadoes converge to destroy the Supernado.
You know, in case you were wondering.
Overall Score: 2/5 Sharknadoes
HEEELLLL NOOOO. Those are classic terrible-awesome movies. Watch them if you’re bored, which you are, which is also why you’re reading this.
I’ve decided to try and educate y’all on some good movies out in theaters right now, to help you stay cool and hip with the kids.
Guardians of the Galaxy:
So good you’ll tell your friends how good it is and annoy them until they see it with you and then they’ll annoy their friends and so on.
OVERALL SCORE: 9/10 MIXTAPES
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:
Don’t even know if this is still out but this movie is awesome. Emotional, action packed, and a good message make this a MUST SEE, or I’ll shank you.
OVERALL SCORE: 9/10 STARS
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If you didn’t like it, shut your mouth… Or give me constructive criticism or suggestions!
In case you don’t know who Biz Markie is, he wrote one of the greatest songs of our generation. Enjoy!