It’s that time of the year, THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR. Scary movie marathons, candy, and sexy librarians. We’re talking about Halloween season, and what better way to spend an October weekend than watching a scary movie. Unfortunately, most of the horror movies that are released are terrible. Ouija came out last weekend and was #1 at the box office ahead of John Wick and Fury… Ouija is rockin’ a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an amazing 4.2/10 on IMDB, so the movie’s basically shit, but it made $21 million and had only a budget of $5 million.
The main reason most horror movies are average/bad/terrible is because they’re cheap to make and people will go see them no matter how bad they are. So I encourage y’all to stop watching terrible movies, and let me watch them for you and tell you how awful they are. It’s my civic duty.
Despite all the bad one’s out there, the horror genre still has some amazing stuff. Being a horror fan myself, I’ve made a list of movies to watch this Halloween for your viewing pleasure broken up by sub-genre. Enjoy.
The Granddaddy of all slasher flicks, Halloween began the reign of Michael Myers’ terror over a small Indiana town. This is my favorite horror movie of all time. Everything in this movie works, and it’s still an effective movie as ever to provide some good scares despite dating back to 1978. Also there’s very little actual gore or violence so even your mom can watch with you, everybody wins.
Black Christmas (1974)
If Halloween is the Granddaddy of slasher flicks, than this is that forgotten great-great-grandfather you didn’t know you were related to. A killer sneaks into a sorority house on Christmas Eve and begins killing them off one-by-one. This guy was killing off the hot girls before it was cool. Black Christmas is legitimately terrifying, well-made, and a great horror film to help you spend a Halloween or Christmas night.
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Freddy Krueger’s debut, and man is it a good one. This killer, with his famous knife glove, terrorizes his old hometown by killing teenagers in their dreams. Which of course causes them to incur gruesome deaths in real life. A great concept is elevated by solid directing from Wes Craven and a star-turning performance by Robert Englund as Freddy. Some effects might not hold up to today’s standards but it still remains a classic staple of the slasher genre. My dad likes it, so why wouldn’t you?
Friday the 13th
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A phallic shaped alien monster causes havoc on-board a spaceship. Amazing film, one of my favorites. Less action oriented than the sequels that followed, but way more scary and atmospheric. Best one of the Alien franchise.
The Thing (1982)
Kurt Russel AND Wilford Brimley? Can I get an amen! John Carpenter directs this film about a shape-shifting alien that finds its way into a camp of scientist working in the Antarctic. One of the last great monster movies with amazing special effects and no CGI. A tense, scary, and fun horror movie that’ll make you more terrified of spiders than you ever thought possible.
Fright Night (1985)
I saw this movie when I was 10 years old, and it made me sleep with the lights on for about a week. A kid believes his neighbor is a vampire and he teams up with a late night horror host to take him down. Not exactly the scariest movie ever, but definitely effective. The makeup was so much different from any other vampire movie I’ve seen and the transformations are horrifying. A personal favorite of mine.
American Werewolf in London
30 Days of Night
(Some of them aren’t technically zombies but who cares)
28 Days Later (2002)
Lab monkeys cause a virus epidemic that turns people into zombie sprinters. This movie is very gritty, grainy, and realistic. The characters help to humanize this post-apocalyptic world and give you someone to root for. When you actually care about the characters horror movies tend to become a lot scarier, and this film is no exception.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Remake of the classic Dawn of the Dead, this one has better effects and faster zombies so there’s much to love here. One of the best remakes out there, this movie pays homage to the classic while mixing it up enough to help stand on its own. Gore and blood abound as zombies trap a group of people in a mall as they try to figure out how to survive.
I LOVE this movie. LOVE. Basically zombies in an apartment in Spain shot in POV, this movie elevates found footage genre to another level and never lets up. Once the horror kicks in, it never stops and you’ll have to find your own time to breathe because it doesn’t let up until the credits roll. [REC] is a sacry thrill ride that is one of the best horror movies in a decade.
Let me check what day it is…sssshiiiitttttt
I’m going to have to hurry this up y’all
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
A hilarious British take on the zombie genre, Shaun hopes to get back together with his ex-girlfriend by saving her in the zombie apocalypse.
Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil (2010) NETFLIX
Two friendly hillbillies are mistaken for psycho killers by college kids camping out in the woods and spoiling anything more would ruin this laugh-out-loud twist on horror stereotypes. DON’T WATCH THE TRAILER IT RUINS THE ENTIRE MOVIE.
American Psycho is a dark satirical comedy that if it doesn’t make you laugh you’re probably dead inside. Christian Bale plays a yuppie in the 1980’s who moonlights as a serial killer.
Stay safe, and happy haunting!
It has come to my attention that I have forgotten the Supernatural genre, but honestly that’s like 75% of horror movies made since the first Paranormal Activity movie came out. Just watch The Omen, The Exorcist, The Ring and Blair Witch Project.
Are we cool now? Cool.
Now get off my lawn, I don’t have candy.