Finally, Halloween Day has come! You’ve stocked up on candy, you got your costume ready, and all the sorority girls from a block over dressed up like cats, again. Unfortunately you have no friends, no one has invited you to any Halloween parties, and that girl who used to sit next to you in math class moved down two rows because she found out you were an uncultured simpleton.
Though I have not abandoned you, my good companion. For I care. Everyone should have a great Halloween no matter how unpleasant people may find you. If I wasn’t going to an exclusive, invite only, Halloween party myself, I’d totally hang out with you. Totally.
Too bad I’m gonna turnip at the party.
Below is a list of movies to keep yourself company while you sit next to your phone waiting for someone to text you. I compiled the spookiest and Halloweeniest ones to make this Halloween the, “Not the worst one” ever!
Excluding Halloween, ’cause duh.
*WARNING* MUST DRINK AT LEAST THE 3 BEERS PER MOVIE *WARNING*
Trick r’ Treat (2007)
This cult classic is almost mandatory to put on these list nowadays, Trick r’ Treat is an anthology movie consisting of four interweaving stories that all take place on Halloween night. Funny, ripe with scares, and just full of the good ole Halloween spirit, this is a much watch for those wanting to dive head first into a night time binge of alcohol, candy, and poor decision making.
*Drink every time you see the stories intersect*
The Conjuring (2013)
You’ve had a couple of drinks now and I know what you’re thinking, “Let’s get spooky.” You want a good ghost movie that inspired a shitty spin-off, I feel you. The Conjuring is the movie for you! Set in the 70’s, a family goes to a creepy house and what do you know, it’s haunted. They must team up with a pair of paranormal investigators to try and escape the curse alive. Sounds pretty standard, but this one is a notch above the rest.
*Drink every time a kid is in danger*
Now you have a few drinks in you along with a few candy bars, and you’re starting to feel pretty good. You start feeling adventurous even. “Let’s watch a foreign film!” you exclaim happily. Well, there’s Let the Right One In, or [REC], or-“nah I want some obscure shit,” you say abruptly.
Okay well, uh. There is this one movie…
Livid is a French horror from the team that also made Inside which you may or may not have heard of. A young woman becomes a caregiver to an elderly woman and learns that there is some kind of treasure in the house. Her and her friends sneak in one night to find it, and that’s when shit gets crazy. This is very well done cinematic horror that is genuinely creepy and unsettling, even scary. Unfortunately towards the end the plot kind of becomes…stupid? Confusing? Other than that it is an entertaining horror movie that’d I’d recommend.
*Drink if you don’t know what is going on*
After that last movie you are obliterated at this point. It’s only 9PM, but any thoughts of going to a party or hanging out with friends is long gone. You are wearing your costume, even though you don’t remember putting it on. It’s a NASA shirt and a cowboy hat. You’re a space cowboy. You wonder if people still listen to Steve Miller. Luckily your roommate just got home from work, and you try to act like you haven’t been drinking and watching movies for the last 5 hours. You ask him if he has plans tonight. “No I need to study for a test next week,” he says. You realize your roommate is a loser.
You check your snapchat to see that Sarah is at an 80’s themed Halloween party and, as lame as that sounds, you’re still kind of jealous. “Let’s watch an 80’s horror movie!” you shout. “Uh, what movie?” your roommate asks. “I don’t know, I have some guy telling me that.”
“Umm, okay.” Your roommate says as he nervously eyes you.
80’s you want? 80’s it is!
Fright Night (1985)
Despite the total “Eightiesness” of the movie, Fright Night is a fun movie that still has some solid scares. A teenager realizes his neighbor is a vampire, and has the hots for his mom. In order to stop him, he must team up with a retired TV host who he soon learns has no idea what he is doing. A movie you can laugh at or with, this movie is a guaranteed good time, with or without drinking.
*Drink every time someone says “Brewster”*
“How neat was that!?” you say excitedly. You look over only to realize your roommate went to his room halfway through the movie. You also have found out that you’re now dead. You’re a ghost now.
“What do I do now reviewer guy?” you quietly ask.
First of all, call me Kenny Bloggins, cause you’re in the danger zone! And because I’m dressed like Tom Cruise from Top Gun. Second, continue drinking. Third, we got time for at least one more movie.
“I just want to watch a lot of people die” ghost you says, rather sadly.
Fear not! I think I have something perfect for that.
Black Christmas (1974)
Did you just put a movie that takes place on Christmas in a Halloween movie list? You bet your sugary ass I did. Black Christmas is the original “slasher” flick that created all those horror clichés, even before Halloween. A killer sneaks into a sorority house on Christmas night, and eventually begins killing the sisters one by one. Genuinely scary, and full of tension this is a quintessential horror film that is just as much a Halloween movie as it is a Christmas movie.
*Drink every time the killer speaks*
Hope you’re Halloween, that you spent at home, went better than you expected. Even though you’re now dead. At least there’s no hangover in the morning.
P.S. If you’re an Aggie ghost you still can’t boo, because tradition.