Suicide Squad Review


Suicide Squad is a film directed by David Ayers, who also directed End of Watch, Fury, and wrote the screenplay for Training Day.

Unfortunately Suicide Squad is not nearly as good as those other films.

ssquad


Watching Suicide Squad reminded me of an analogy that I just made up. It felt like opening a present at Christmas.

There’s a box, you pick it up and it has some weight to it. You shake it a little bit and hear something hard and metallic rub up against the sides. Could it be an Xbox? A PS2? Maybe it’s a GAMECUBE!! Your excitement is sky high as you tear off the ribbon and begin shredding the wrapping paper. Your mother grimaces beside you, her dreams of reusing that wrapping paper next Christmas are evaporating before her very eyes. You open the lid of the box. What’s inside is slick, metal, and shiny. You reach in, gripping with both hands as you hoist the gift high above your head for all family to see.

It’s a toaster.

toaster

You’re baffled, you look around to your family. Maybe this is just a joke…maybe my real present is being hidden somewhere. You start to laugh. Oh boy, they sure got you good didn’t they? But your family doesn’t laugh. Your parents faces are, confused? Concerned? You look to your brother as he unwraps another toaster. The blood from your face drains, as you lay the toaster down on the floor. It tips and falls over, but you don’t care. You check the name on the tag. Who would do this?

From: Warner Bros.

To: Fans

You look at the toaster. Your mind races back to when you were at the store yesterday and you saw a stack of toasters on sale. $25 OFF! TODAY! 

You stare at the toaster, wishing it was something else, but still it remains a toaster. You plug it in, and put some toast in. After a minute or two the toast pops out, but the bread is a little burnt. Your brother says he likes his toaster, that it’s okay. You cry a little.

You place your toaster in the trash can that Zach Snyder gave you last Christmas. You dry your tears. You shrug your shoulders, trying to show them you don’t care. Hiding the pain, the hurt. Your heart feels like those two pieces of toast, burnt and unappetizing. You go back to your unopened gifts. Looking at all the presents you have yet to open, hope begins to grow inside you. You give an earnest smile.

Surely one of them is at least a sweater, or something.


Suicide Squad is a bizarre movie.

The tone is all over the place. Is it trying to be wacky and zany, or an emotional character-driven drama? Sometimes you have Will Smith slow-mo yelling in the rain as he hallucinates children. Sometimes the random Japanese character unsheathes a glowing sword and cries because her husband’s soul is trapped in it. Sometimes Captain Boomerang throws a boomerang with a camera on it and the video footage isn’t just a spinning seizure. You’re confused all the same.

The movie starts out with a bang, as we watch character introductions and flashbacks for a solid thirty minutes. Each one involving a random song playing over weird scenes that are not only kind of boring, but last forever. After you suffer through that, the meat of the story and action kick in some and it becomes at least slightly entertaining.

suicidesquad

The character writing is pretty atrocious. Most of the developing of the characters is done by them talking about their past, showing a flashback, or just telling the audience why they should care about this character. There’s a lot of telling in this movie, and not a lot of showing. ZZZZzzzzz.

The main plot of the film is stupid and nonsensical, and you’ll spend more time laughing at the villain’s Zumba routine than you will at anything else. It’s a poor choice to have a villain, that is basically a demigod, when the squad consists of people who just throw boomerangs, hit people with baseball bats, or look like a crocodile.

Going into too much detail about the film’s problems would be tedious, since there are so many. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it for what it is:

A toaster.

It is at least better than Batman v. Superman, but really…

that ain’t saying much.


Overall Score: 2/5 Stars

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